TIL that there are people who think cold-calling politicians is "easy"
LOL -- easy for whom?
Queasy over making phone calls to politicians? You’re not alone – not by a long shot. You might be surprised at how many people I came across who hate the phone when I was searching for an image for this post! But I wasn’t surprised — because being less than enamored with it myself, I’ve had this conversation with friends and family, and it’s about 50-50. So if you have found yourself stuck staring at a well-meaning post that lists those “simple phone calls” you could be making to your state and federal representatives and senators; your governor; and all manner of other strangers — absolutely unable to pick up your phone, you’ve definitely got lots of company. And, btw, the majority of phone avoiders in my conversations were men. Go figure.
But why, oh why, does this physically miniscule action feel threatening??? And, given the dire circumstances rolling out daily in our country, how can we overcome an aversion as powerful as this one in order to take action?
Remember, no form of activism is a fit for everyone, and that’s natural. There are plenty of kinds of work to choose from. But I will tell you this. I’ve just had it confirmed for me by Rachel Coyle, co-founder of “How Things Work at the Ohio Statehouse”, that phone calls are very effective and much needed, especially at the state level. (If you’re in Ohio, definitely subscribe to Rachel’s Substack to keep up with all the statehouse shenanigans as well as her recommended actions.) So -- if you’re sick of getting the heebie-jeebies every time phone calls are recommended (i.e. all day, every day), in this post I’ll help you take a look at where those fears come from, followed in the next post by how to tackle Phone Call Phobia and how making these calls has become much more natural for me.
The Whys of Phone Call Phobia
1. Thou shalt not bother anyone, ever.
I was raised to Never Impose on Anyone. No unsolicited phone calls; no knocking on anyone’s door. I was never told, “If you need help, you go and ring Mrs. Levy’s doorbell. She will help you.” Far from it – although I believe Mrs. Levy would gladly have helped me. My friend up the street visited her house often and got to see and try out her gigantic floor-standing loom. They both loved this. Thinking about it now, I ask myself, What if there were a fire? Even with that stringent of a mandate, surely one would breach that boundary by knocking then. Surely warning of danger is not an intrusion. It is a service.
This, here, now – is a fire. It’s okay to bother people to keep them safe. It is even more okay to bother those who are creating the danger in the first place.
2. These are powerful people...
Kids learn to be assertive -- to comfortably say what they think -- when parents and teachers welcome them in doing so, making it safe even when they disagree. But many of us were raised in families where disagreement with those powerful adults was not tolerated and, in fact, was punished by painful disapproval -- at the very least. Fast forward to now when we need to influence elected officials, people who wield power – is it any wonder that this feels uncomfortable? Of course not; it’s natural.
Anxiety over responding to the rapidly developing fascist takeover of our democracy is sane, and so is outrage. It’s evidence that you’re paying attention – and, to our detriment, not everyone is. The decision lies in how we each choose to respond to those intense reactions. My impression is that many people attempt to suppress these feelings and to avoid them by steering clear of current events. That serves those who are trying to take over our statehouses and end our democracy all too well. But there is a powerful alternative to avoidance. It is also possible to consciously, deliberately choose courage. It’s a personal decision for each of us to make. It’s a feasible choice. I’ve read again and again from people I deeply respect that taking action is the best remedy for anxiety over the frightening things that are happening all around us and to us. I’ve found that to be true.
Psychiatrist Shawn Christopher Shea, MD1 referred to a set of “core pains” that human beings – healthy, everyday people -- share. I think of them as universal fears, and some of them might be the gloom-spewing culprits if you’re sitting miserably next to the phone willing yourself to pick it up.
3. Fear of the unknown; fear of rejection
Plenty of people do not love the unknown! Oh, yes, there are those who run with fearless abandon toward wild adventure, but just possibly – if you’ve read this far – you’re of a more cautious nature :) . Well, hats off to you; that’s a strength! We need people who look before they leap alongside those who are ready to take the plunge and deal with the fallout later.
Phoning people in positions of power for the purpose of persuading or demanding change can feel like walking into the unknown with no control. In fact, doing anything you haven’t done before can feel that way. And your past experiences, including the way you grew up, have much to do with whether you find this an adventure and anticipate success – or perceive it as a potentially devastating experience.
Devastating: that’s one of those adjectives that has to be unpacked. We generally have a shared understanding of physical devastation – whether by wildfire or by injury. But there is an unspoken assumption that we all experience with the same intensity the words people say to us or the experience of the learning curve and imperfection requisite in gaining a new skill. That’s incorrect. What is “water off a duck’s back” to one person is genuinely traumatic to another. Making calls does involve a learning curve, with its initial errors and awkwardness, and it’s true that there’s no way to know in advance how you’ll be received . (Note: I’ve never had a negative experience.) If these are hard things for you, that’s not a deficit. To me that means that setting out on this venture demands more courage from you than from friends who are lightheartedly free of these fears. You have my respect.
4. Fear of being worthless or being made to look or feel foolish; fear of failure
Have you said to yourself, “It’s useless to call; I’ll just look ridiculous and feel powerless.”
Experts tell us that far from being useless, these calls have real impact. Calls to elected officials are logged; outrage and pushback do influence them; so do gratitude and approval. Does one call make the difference? Probably not – but when many people call, it can make the difference. It’s not necessary to believe in its effectiveness in order to do it, either. Sort of like taking a vitamin that maybe you’re not sold on – you just do it because a doctor whose expertise you are confident in says that it will be beneficial. That’s not stupid; that’s trust. And to take action in the face of uncertain success: that’s courageous.
So — on to:
The Next Brave Thing
This is what I suggest as a gentle next step:
Choose a current post from one of these excellent resources where you’ll find suggestions for impactful phone calls to make.
5 Calls - Here’s how to do it: Pop in your zip code. Click on an issue, and information will show up in the right-hand column. Scroll down, and you’ll find a script.
Michele Hornish – Small Deeds Done – Michele posts one action every Tuesday
Read about the recommended calls. Sit with them with. Pay attention to your feelings. Respect and accept them, and avoid any hint of self-criticism. Think about the fears we’ve explored in this post. Which ones are you feeling? Perhaps imagine choosing courage. Feel free to share your thoughts in the subscriber chat; I will respond.
In the next post, I’ll give you some strategies that will help you move forward, doing the next brave thing...and the next...
Until then,
Fran
We can do this.
1 Shea, Shawn Christopher, Psychiatric Interviewing: The Art of Understanding. Philadelphia: W.B. Saunders Company, 1998.